Category Archives: Comedy

How To Become An Absolutely Terrible Leader

Since there is so much written about becoming a great, effective leader, I thought I might contribute to the conversation by including my views on terrible leadership. Not everyone is cut out for being a terrible leader, but with a little effort and intention, I think we all can find it in us. I hope these helpful tips will make you a terrible leader.

Believe me, if you follow these five easy steps…you will be.

1. Make everyone like you.

By all means, nothing makes things happen like narcissism.

I mean that honestly. Making sure that everyone is happy with you all the time will both exhaust and frustrate you and the people around you. If your concern is approval, you will certainly make things happen!

2. Be vague.

Clarity is too…non-confusing. If the people that work with you know what you expect in the clearest terms, they know things like: when they are succeeding and when they aren’t, when they are working within the boundaries of the vision and when they are not contributing to forward motion. They will feel like they understand the mission and no one wants that.

The more vague you get, the more room for miscommunication and confusion. Nothing changes an organization like those two things!

3. Expect everyone to understand your ideas the first time.
(or Expect everyone around you to read your mind)

Seriously, you are that articulate! You should never have to repeat yourself, because every one is listening to everything you say every time you talk. No one has trouble of their own. No one has grocery lists and tasks they can’t get to because you are on to your next new favorite thing. And every one, every one can read minds.

Anyone who needs clarification after the first time wasn’t paying attention and we all know what that means…they are stupid.

Bonus Challenge: Don’t even bother to verbally communicate your idea, email it. Choice!

4. Make sure not to compliment anyone about things you appreciate.

Affirmation is so over rated. It makes a team, too…too…affirmed and cohesive. Everyone knows that complimenting shows weakness! Besides, if you start complimenting where will it end? You might have to say something nice about everyone. And we all know what that means…you are paying attention to the hard work of the people working with you.

Stick to the negative. Your organization will definitely see results!

5. Change things and don’t mention anything.

Finally, people should just know when you’ve read a new book or blog post (see #3). Obscure business practices should be second nature! Especially in organizations like churches. If people aren’t living up to your latest inspiration, just get frustrated! Seriously, you didn’t say anything for a reason! Get huffy. I actually prefer the quiet types whose silence ought to influence everyone to their side. Yelling is too communicat-y. Unless you shout gibberish, you ruin the psychic vibe with all those words.

Well, I hope I have helped.

In no time, you should be seeing results. If you want to fast track, put into practice Bonus #6, which I learned from the mini series “Band of Brothers”:

#6 Whenever possible, make no decisions.

Defer to other non-decision making bodies. Especially when your co-worker’s job / integrity / reputation is on the line. It might get you kicked off a Christmas card list or two, but no one said this leadership stuff was easy.

**If for some bizarre reason you want to be a strong and effective leader, read this post in a mirror.

Now…what have I forgotten?

Jesus is kinda like a new Buddha

As a staff, we have begun to watch the video discussion starters that are a part of “They Like Jesus, But Not The Church” from Dan Kimball. In the intro video, a young collegiate says something to the effect of: Jesus is kinda like a new (or perhaps, another)Buddha. That particular summation of the Son of God has been echoing around in my brain for the last 24 hours. All I could think of was, “Man, Jesus needs new PR.” In a prophetic turn, Matthew Paul Turner posted these Jesus pics on one of my favorite blogs…Jesus Needs New PR.

These pics are funny and geared towards your amusement. Take a break!